One day I woke up and he was different

Our journey has been pretty comfortable the last few years. Not that it has been easy but we have gotten to know one another and we are close. There is a friendship, I know when hes going to break, I know when he needs a break and without words we are able to communicate. I, most of the time had not let him get to the point of no return and I certainly never felt like he was out of my control. He wasn't too hard to handle or difficult. Things hadn't always been so smooth but I think after getting to know my child, understanding autism and his reaction to things you kind of grow to know your child better than you even know yourself. One day things were just different.

Different.. not in a good way. He was very combative, he was angry, any little thing would set him off. He was not the little boy I mentioned above. It was like all those years getting to know him and being so close.. it was all over. I was lost. I was emotional.. I didn't understand. I worked the past 8 years trying to battle through and figure this out to get to the place where I didn't know him anymore. Hell was real. I was getting hit on not just a daily basis but around the clock. I was starting to fear him a little bit. That look in his eyes, it was not my child. I started to feel not less for him but I just felt completely distant. I would spend my nights crying, I felt so depressed, so helpless. It was enough that he had to battle autism but now hes battling himself.. everyday he was miserable. There was nothing I could do, or anyone could do.

After about 6 months of going through the over thinking process.. trying to fight the tears, trying to evaluate what was going on I decided to get some help. I just couldn't fight this anymore, or him, or the school notes, emails, I was beyond clear thinking. I was just very lost. I reached out to a friend. An online friend because I believe those are sometimes the best. Those who have went through what you have been through, those who don't judge and would do anything to try to help you. To be there for you. We started brain storming together. I talked. A LOT. She listened, she gave me ideas, and I put it to work.

Next was his appointment with developmental medicine. I laid the cards out. They were all there. I explained to her what was going on and that I was considering medication.. I guess its time for meds. She looked at me and said wait I've been following Tyler since he was diagnosed. This isn't Tyler. Things don't seem right. She gave me a script for blood work and an EEG. I was sure it would all come back normal. I mean I really thought it was something. It was something medical.. but I am always the one over thinking things and I just needed to except Ty was going through some changes.. except he WASN'T!

I was making dinner that night when I saw the number pop up on the screen. It was only a day later.. they said it would take a week.. the test results. She spoke sweet and calmly while inside me the world was spinning. She confirmed that he was having seizures. In this one hour eeg it wasn't just one or two it was several and several more during this one hour. He was battling constant seizures. The seizures you can't see. They were taking place in the front temporal lobe. This is point blank where the behaviors were coming from she said in different words. Those strange shaking of his hands and weird movements I noticed weeks ago were in fact seizures. It took me a while to digest. I couldn't believe that I waisted all my time trying not to see his doctor for fear of medication when the answer actually was medication. Finally an answer. Finally my eyes were open and soon his would be too. Soon he wouldn't be so upset, he wouldn't be so unhappy. Part of me was still in shock and sad that he had a new diagnosis but the other part of me had a huge smile on my face and the beautiful feeling of relief. There is a light at the end of tunnel. He is going to be okay! I'm going to get my little boy back!

So after one failed medication we have found the right one.. all is well in the land of Tyler & he is back. My boy is back! He's not aggressive, hes not hitting, hes not angry. He is just the opposite. He is smiling, he is hugging, there are kisses, he is happy. My boy is happy again!

Please if you see a big change in your child and they don't seem right take that as a hint, a notice, a cue.. they are trying to tell you something! Just because a child cannot speak doesn't not mean they aren't trying to tell you something.. Dig deep. You will get answers.