Our journey has been pretty comfortable
the last few years. Not that it has been easy but we have gotten to
know one another and we are close. There is a friendship, I know when
hes going to break, I know when he needs a break and without words we
are able to communicate. I, most of the time had not let him get to
the point of no return and I certainly never felt like he was out of
my control. He wasn't too hard to handle or difficult. Things hadn't
always been so smooth but I think after getting to know my child,
understanding autism and his reaction to things you kind of grow to
know your child better than you even know yourself. One day
things were just different.
Different.. not in a good way. He was
very combative, he was angry, any little thing would set him off. He
was not the little boy I mentioned above. It was like all those years
getting to know him and being so close.. it was all over. I was lost.
I was emotional.. I didn't understand. I worked the past 8 years
trying to battle through and figure this out to get to the place
where I didn't know him anymore. Hell was real. I was getting hit on
not just a daily basis but around the clock. I was starting to fear
him a little bit. That look in his eyes, it was not my child. I
started to feel not less for him but I just felt completely distant.
I would spend my nights crying, I felt so depressed, so helpless. It
was enough that he had to battle autism but now hes battling
himself.. everyday he was miserable. There was nothing I could do, or
anyone could do.
After about 6 months of going through
the over thinking process.. trying to fight the tears, trying to
evaluate what was going on I decided to get some help. I just
couldn't fight this anymore, or him, or the school notes, emails, I
was beyond clear thinking. I was just very lost. I reached out to a
friend. An online friend because I believe those are sometimes the
best. Those who have went through what you have been through, those
who don't judge and would do anything to try to help you. To be there
for you. We started brain storming together. I talked. A LOT. She
listened, she gave me ideas, and I put it to work.
Next was his appointment with
developmental medicine. I laid the cards out. They were all there. I
explained to her what was going on and that I was considering
medication.. I guess its time for meds. She looked at me and said
wait I've been following Tyler since he was diagnosed. This isn't
Tyler. Things don't seem right. She gave me a script for blood work
and an EEG. I was sure it would all come back normal. I mean I really
thought it was something. It was something medical.. but I am always
the one over thinking things and I just needed to except Ty was going
through some changes.. except he WASN'T!
I was making dinner that night when I
saw the number pop up on the screen. It was only a day later.. they
said it would take a week.. the test results. She spoke sweet and
calmly while inside me the world was spinning. She confirmed that he
was having seizures. In this one hour eeg it wasn't just one or two
it was several and several more during this one hour. He was battling
constant seizures. The seizures you can't see. They were taking place
in the front temporal lobe. This is point blank where the behaviors
were coming from she said in different words. Those strange shaking
of his hands and weird movements I noticed weeks ago were in fact
seizures. It took me a while to digest. I couldn't believe that I
waisted all my time trying not to see his doctor for fear of
medication when the answer actually was medication. Finally an
answer. Finally my eyes were open and soon his would be too. Soon he
wouldn't be so upset, he wouldn't be so unhappy. Part of me was still
in shock and sad that he had a new diagnosis but the other part of me
had a huge smile on my face and the beautiful feeling of relief.
There is a light at the end of tunnel. He is going to be okay! I'm
going to get my little boy back!
So after one failed medication we have
found the right one.. all is well in the land of Tyler & he is
back. My boy is back! He's not aggressive, hes not hitting, hes not
angry. He is just the opposite. He is smiling, he is hugging, there
are kisses, he is happy. My boy is happy again!
Please if you see a big change in your
child and they don't seem right take that as a hint, a notice, a
cue.. they are trying to tell you something! Just because a child
cannot speak doesn't not mean they aren't trying to tell you
something.. Dig deep. You will get answers.
