Some days I feel so alone. Who is there to talk to?
Who is there to listen? Who is there that understands?
I live in a society where my child isn't worth your time.
I live this life where being strong is viewed as being a bitch.
How much of life can I take on and how strong can I be before I break?
So much judgement when people look at me. Have they once considered
all that I go through on a daily basis? Do they consider how difficult it has
been for me and Ty with everything he has been through? Or do they even care?
It is sad that I feel so alone that I cry when no one is around, that I am so broken.
Who would once look beyond my perfections and really be a true friend to me?
Someone I can confide in and trust.. Someone who will not say mean things about
me when I'm not around..
I have this good heart that no one takes the time to know or to understand. I am left
feeling emotionless at time because I have nothing left to give.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Different
This year is going to be different.
This year my son is going to speak in sentences.
This year my son is going to grow in so many ways.
This year I am going to push him harder than I have before.
This year we are going to find the things that make him the happiest.
This year I am going to do my all to make sure he gets all he needs.
This year I am going to stop holding my son back.
This year I am going to let my son shine.
This year everything will change.
This year is about new beginnings.
This year I will not longer be afraid.
This year WILL be different.
This year my son is going to speak in sentences.
This year my son is going to grow in so many ways.
This year I am going to push him harder than I have before.
This year we are going to find the things that make him the happiest.
This year I am going to do my all to make sure he gets all he needs.
This year I am going to stop holding my son back.
This year I am going to let my son shine.
This year everything will change.
This year is about new beginnings.
This year I will not longer be afraid.
This year WILL be different.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Celebrating the imperfections
The past week has been very difficult.
We have had an extreme rise in meltdowns. Extreme rise in attitudes. Extreme rise in neediness. It has been difficult but that is what we deal with. We have our greatest days and those days when we can't wait for bedtime. I have not been praying for my son, and my family like I should. I started crying yesterday from missing my family back home so much. I can honestly say after 7 months I haven't really had a good cry. I am one of those people who will keep everything in as long as possible. Yesterday I broke down after listening to a beautiful song by Jesus Culture called "Your love never fails". I know that no matter what is going on in my life God has a plan for us and I need to start praying that he shows me the way and to be grateful for what we have, and all that my son has accomplished through this.
Tyler is showing me how smart he is. He is breaking out of his shell. For a child who had little to no improvement the first 4 years of his life has shown tremendous change in the last 3. He has gone from no words to showing me small sentences.
He was whining for me to get up this morning saying HELP PLEASE.. I held my ground. I said no, Tyler tell me in your words what you want. I said I want.. He looked at me and thought to himself for a moment. Than he says I.. want.. Ice-cream!! I had to let him have some ice-cream after that even if it was 11 am. I am really pushing him here lately for words. I know he has it in him!
We have had an extreme rise in meltdowns. Extreme rise in attitudes. Extreme rise in neediness. It has been difficult but that is what we deal with. We have our greatest days and those days when we can't wait for bedtime. I have not been praying for my son, and my family like I should. I started crying yesterday from missing my family back home so much. I can honestly say after 7 months I haven't really had a good cry. I am one of those people who will keep everything in as long as possible. Yesterday I broke down after listening to a beautiful song by Jesus Culture called "Your love never fails". I know that no matter what is going on in my life God has a plan for us and I need to start praying that he shows me the way and to be grateful for what we have, and all that my son has accomplished through this.
Tyler is showing me how smart he is. He is breaking out of his shell. For a child who had little to no improvement the first 4 years of his life has shown tremendous change in the last 3. He has gone from no words to showing me small sentences.
He was whining for me to get up this morning saying HELP PLEASE.. I held my ground. I said no, Tyler tell me in your words what you want. I said I want.. He looked at me and thought to himself for a moment. Than he says I.. want.. Ice-cream!! I had to let him have some ice-cream after that even if it was 11 am. I am really pushing him here lately for words. I know he has it in him!
Heart break
Woke up this morning to hear of 19 firefighters losing their lives.
As I lie there listening to the news I just imagined what I would do if my husband never made it home. I can honestly say I have never known love til that of a fireman. All he gives of himself to his community, and to his brothers with an unexplainable passion. They are a completely different breed. At times I don't understand what makes them the way they are. Why would you want to purposely put yourself in harms way? They make the decision each day when that page or alarm goes off to rush in while others are running out. They make a decision that saving someone's life is more precious than their own.
I think about the families affected by this tragedy. All the wives, all the children who received the news that their husband, or their daddy would never make it back home. It is so devastating the heartache their families, and friends are going through today. God be with them and show yourself to them in this time of need.
As I lie there listening to the news I just imagined what I would do if my husband never made it home. I can honestly say I have never known love til that of a fireman. All he gives of himself to his community, and to his brothers with an unexplainable passion. They are a completely different breed. At times I don't understand what makes them the way they are. Why would you want to purposely put yourself in harms way? They make the decision each day when that page or alarm goes off to rush in while others are running out. They make a decision that saving someone's life is more precious than their own.
I think about the families affected by this tragedy. All the wives, all the children who received the news that their husband, or their daddy would never make it back home. It is so devastating the heartache their families, and friends are going through today. God be with them and show yourself to them in this time of need.
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