Communication

The day my son was diagnosed they told me many things. They said your child definitely has Autism, he may never be potty trained or talk, he may need care for the rest of his life. You need to prepare yourself for that. I think this is one of those heart breaking moments you will never forget. Knowing that your child is different and may never be able to do things the other children are doing or will be able to do.

At that point in time I knew what Autism was but I didn't quite understand it. But I knew I couldn't sit around and sulk in self pity. I began my search for extra therapies, and pushed his school to the limits. Since they didn't see it fit to give him extra help or therapies. You know because the school isn't a "daycare" Yes you heard me right. DAYCARE. Hmm do you ever wish you could go back in time. I would have so much more to say to those people now. I would love to meet with all his teachers, aides, and therapists so they could see just how far hes come.

Anyhow, Tyler will be 7 in a short month. This has been the year of the Tyler. He has mastered so many things. He can write words. He can identify words, and pictures. He is learning to say short 3 word sentences. He is learning to communicate.

I think I take for granted all he can do and how well he does communicate. I get so frustrated though, it seems the older he gets the harder his own frustration becomes when he cannot communicate to me what he wants or needs. He just gets to the point where he has had enough.I just wish there was something I could do to help. I am trying to learn his cues. I try to listen very carefully to his words. It is so difficult. I feel like if I was better he wouldn't have such a hard time. What am I doing wrong? What could I do to better? What is he trying to tell me? Please make me understand Ty.

Mcqueen! Mcqueen!

Woke up this morning to a fresh pot of coffee. I hear Ty in the background saying Mcqueen, mcqueen. He was scared last night through the storm and had fallen asleep on my lap. When daddy came home from storm spotting he had picked Ty up and carried him to bed.

I remember thinking last night how beautiful Ty looked sleeping on my shoulder. He has the most caring, loving, personality I have ever experienced. He doesn't look at anyone with judgement. He doesn't hate. He isn't mean to other children. He doesn't care that mommy is over weight. He just loves his life, and enjoys every moment of it.

Yes he has meltdowns but every child has difficulties and has troubles and deals with them in their own way. I don't know if I would take the Autism away from Ty. He is unique. He is different because of his Autism. I know he would not be the same without it.

My Ty is absolutely amazing & I wouldn't trade him for all the typical children in the world! 

Struggling

I sometimes feel like I could break. Watching my child laying on the ground crying, whimpering, and asking for my help. What does his little heart want? What am I doing wrong? I just have trouble understanding the things he needs, or wants. How is it his fault.

Those nasty looks I get from the other mothers walking past. I think to myself why is it you think you are better than me. Why because my child cannot control his emotions or his struggles with communication. Sometimes I feel like I am in a complete trance watching from a distance. If I was in the other persons shoes would I act this way to someone else. I am not sure. I never for once thought this person would be me. You never do.

I remember telling other parents.. friends, and family.. that I wish they would have a child with special needs so they could see how difficult it is and not look towards me with so much judgement.

BUT... Sometimes I just get inside his world and I don't care what anyone is doing or saying or even if they are staring. Sometimes I get down there with him. Maybe we will lay down together and stay awhile. Maybe we can figure out together what is that is troubling him.